A look at the Dumbest Powers/Abilities in Comic Book History.

Before we get into it, a few dishonorable mentions…

The Great Lake Avengers (Marvel)

 
 From left to right: Squirrel Girl – Big Bertha – Doorman – Mr. Immortal – Flatman

From left to right: Squirrel Girl – Big Bertha – Doorman – Mr. Immortal – Flatman

 

The Great Lake Avengers started out as a B-team, and quickly embraced their subpar powers. Originally led by Hawkeye, and have had other notable members such as Mocking Bird and Deadpool, these days they’re most just a fun and ridiculous read.

Their powers/abilities:

Squirrel Girl
Has a prehensile tail, squirrel agility and other attributes. Can talk to Squirrels.

Mr. Immortal
He’s immortal, inasmuch as he can be killed… and then comes back to life. That’s it. He feels every painful death.

Flatman
He can stretch and change into all sorts of different shapes… in 2-d. He tried out for the Fantastic 4 once and was quickly rejected.

Big Bertha
Normally a supermodel, she can become obese at will, gaining superstrength and durability.  She throws up to lose the weight and become a super model again.

Doorman
Can teleport someone anywhere, as long as that ‘anywhere’ is the next room. Also, he uses his own body as the door, so you have to pass through him.

 

Bouncing Boy (D.C.)

 
 

Bouncing Boy is an actual member of the Legion of Superheroes. To their credit, they rejected him twice before finally inviting him once he had proved himself.

Powers/abilities:
Can inflate his body and bounce… so like a sentient ball.

 

Falcon (Marvel)

 
 

Yes, this is the same character that is currently kicking ass in the MCU, but his comic version is not quite the same. This version has a natural affinity to birds… more on that in a bit. After his parents were killed due to criminal violence, Sam Wilson became… a criminal who went by the name of ‘Snap,’ because that’s what you do. He actually receives his initial powers from the Red Skull who used the cosmic cube to fuse him and his falcon, redwing, together, allowing him to communicate with birds… later on, Black Panther made him a harness so he could fly.  If not for the MCU reboot of the character, he would definitely be on the actual list instead of a dishonorable mention…

Powers/abilities:
Flight, and can communicate with birds…

 

Dazzler (Marvel)

 
 

To her credit, Dazzler’s creation was due to a cross-promotion with a record company, though what they came up with wasn’t great.

Powers/abilities:
Turns sound into light… so if you’re ever in a really dark, really loud tunnel, she’s your gal.

 

Jubilee (Marvel)

 
 

You knew this one was coming. Created in an era where teen/minority heroes were the latest trend, she joined the x-men after her rich parents were killed and was sent to an orphanage, only to run away and come to live at the x-mansion, basically another orphanage… These days, in an attempt to make her more powerful… she’s a vampire… Also, in an issue of the Wolverine comic, it was stated that she suffers from dyscalculia… so, also bad at math…

Powers/abilities:
Dazzle it up any way you want, all she can really do is make fireworks… Outside of the 4th of July, she’s pretty useless.

All right! Now for the actual, Dumbest powers/abilities in Comic Book History.

Now, there isn’t much information on some of these more obscure characters, but I did try to collect the information I could. That said, let's get into it. 

 

10. Rainbow Girl (D.C.)

 
 

Starting off the list is Rainbow girl, a reject from the Legion of Superheroes.  After her rejection, she ended up marrying some rich guy for planetary citizenship…

Powers/abilities:
She can wield the power of the emotional spectrum, red anger, blue hope, green willpower, etc., but she doesn’t know how to fully control her power… basically resulting in unpredictable mood swings. Also, she can create a pheromone field that makes her irresistible to everyone… How? Who knows…

 

9. the Almighty Dollar (Marvel)

 
 

J. Pennington Pennypacker… yeah, that’s his name, was a CPA and gained powers by a crazed scientist, at a math camp. There isn’t much else here, only that he later teamed up with an NFL cross-promotional character once or twice.

Powers/abilities:
He could should pennies from his wrists… This just reminds me of Gob from Arrested Development.

 

8. Black Condor (D.C.)

 
 

Richard Grey was born during an excavation in Mongolia. Sadly, during the excavation, his parents and their team all died, leaving Richard as the sole survivor. Mind you… he’s a baby at this time. So, how does he survive? Raised by condors… obviously.

Powers/abilities:
Flight. Pretty cool, right? The condors taught him…

 

7. the Red Bee (D.C.)

 
 

Rick Raleigh was an assistant District Attorney who was tired of seeing criminals work the system… so he took matters into his own hands. Sounds kind of like our favorite devil of Hell’s Kitchen.

Powers/abilities:
A swarm of trained bees… his favorite was named, Michael… he kept them in his belt buckle…

 

6. Zan (D.C.)

 
 

One half of the Wonder Twins, and while his sister Jayna can turn into any animal, living or extinct, they still need to bump fists to activate their powers.  You may remember them from the Super Friends, but they did make it into the issues of Extreme Justice thanks to a writer in the 90s who was a big fan, and then never heard from again once Extreme Justice was cancelled.

Powers/abilities:
He can turn into water in any form, liquid, solid, or vapor… Could be a good time on a hot day, but outside of that… probably not going to give him a call when the stake of the world is at risk… I mean unless that risk is a thirsty supervillain… and even then, I’d really have to think about it.

 

5. Arm-Fall-Off-Boy (D.C.)

 
 

This guy… where do you even start? Another reject from the Legion of Super Heroes. They just weren’t very impressed with his powers. As ridiculous as he is, he has does show up again every few decades, but that’s probably on purpose and just for fun.

Powers/Abilites:
Can detach his limbs… and use them as weapons…

 

4. Zeitgeist (Marvel)

 
 

Axel Cluney is a mutant, whose power manifested at the age of 14 while with his girlfriend. If you’re wondering why that’s important… we’ll get to that in a moment. He also led a team of mutants called the X-force… though not the badass one you’re thinking of led by Cable.

Powers/Abilites:
He has the power to spew super acid from his mouth…. Which he discovered while making out with his girlfriend. He melted her face off…

 

3. Eye-Scream (Marvel)

 
 

Eye-Scream was a mutant who was ridiculed by the X-men and sought to destroy them. Not much else is known about his backstory.

Powers/abilities:
Eye-Scream had the ability to turn into… any flavor of ice cream. You read that right. Despite spelling his name as Eye and Scream, he had no ocular, nor screaming abilities… just could break down his molecules to turn into ice cream, again, any flavor. He also had a refrigerated suit. You know… to keep the ice cream cool.

 

2. Snowflame (D.C.)

 
 

Snowflame was a powerful supervillain who fought the New Gods and almost killed them. He is currently assumed dead.

Powers/abilities:
He possesses the powers of superstrength, superspeed, pyrokinesis, and has an immunity to pain. Not bad, right? He gains all these powers by snorting cocaine… yup. Also, he can give people a contact high by touching them.

 

1.Codpiece (D.C.)

 
 

When asking out a girl, he was rejected. Reason being, he wasn’t big enough. She was talking about his height… he for some reason didn’t get that. After years of growing insecurity, which was the main cause for years of constant rejection, he finally snapped and decided he needed to do something about this…

Powers/abilities:
Codpiece created a weapon… which he wore over his groin. Shaped mostly phallic, it was a multifunctioning weapon, equipped with such things as, a cannon, missiles, a sonic attack, retractable boxing gloves, drills, scissors, and various other items. Basically, imagine if Tony Stark wasn’t as popular with the ladies as he is… and needed to compensate for it.

 

That rounds up a look at the dumbest powers in comic book history. I hope you enjoyed it as much as we did. Feel free to leave a comment below and let us know if we neglected to mention a favorite of yours.

And if you’re interested, click play below  to listen to us discuss this on our podcast.
As always, thanks for reading!